


You And Me And The Devil Make Three

by pesterquests



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Jade is a royal admiral, Multi, Pirate AU, Roxy is a bartender, This was supposed to be a oneshot for polyswap but i had too many ideas, Vriska is a pirate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22127617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pesterquests/pseuds/pesterquests
Summary: Roxy Lalonde and her siblings are just trying to run a tavern in the city of Prospit.  Unfortunately, Roxy is stuck between the catastrophic rivalry of royal admiral Jade and Vriska, the last pirate that terrorizes Prospitian shores.  It can only get gayer from here.
Relationships: Roxy Lalonde/Vriska Serket/Jade Harley
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	You And Me And The Devil Make Three

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KaikaKokoro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaikaKokoro/gifts).



> Ok, so this was supposed to be a quick prompt fill for KaikaKokoro, who wanted a VrisJadeRoxy Pirate AU, and I got very carried away. Expect scattered updates, I guess!
> 
> Not sure why I can't actually post it to the collection but whatever.

The tavern is quieter than usual. Being so close to the castle gates, it’s usually bursting with everyone from princes to thieves, but tonight, the crowds are barely at a murmur. You should feel bad about it-- It means you’re making less money. But you can’t bring yourself to be mad that you get to sit on the barstools meant for your customers and drink gin (not the watered down stuff you serve, the good stuff) while you tease your dearest twin brother for how meticulously he washes the glasses. 

You’re definitely drunk, but that’s hardly a change from the usual. Kicking your feet rhythmically on the wall, you allow yourself to be consumed by the warmth of the bar, the patrons, your siblings, and of course, the alcohol. You’re sleepy enough to spill out of your seat and conk out in a heap, but you don’t. Rose’s terrible attempt at the fiddle keeps you on the brink of the waking world. She’s a natural at violin, terribly focused and great at following music, but when she tries to make it a party, she sounds and looks ridiculous. Nor you or your brothers have the heart to tell her that she’s flopping around like a fish washed up on the beach not two streets down from the tavern and her violin is more screeches than song. She’s probably drunker than you, which is saying a lot. You suppose the smaller crowd is letting her let loose a little. 

Two offical-looking patrons are watching her with distaste. Before you can snap at them, Dave walks up to their corner table and asks if they’d like anything else. The pair- You see they’re royal guards, still in uniform, although you doubt they’re very high ranking- waves him off and return to their conversation. “What are they on about?”, you ask with what you hope is a cool smirk to match his, but is probably more of a loopy grin. He shrugs. “Guard things. You know. Little bit of stabbing and yelling at the oppressed majority that is this city. Some smacking the citizens around. As they do.”

“I’ve never heard of you having a grudge against some royal guards.” Baby-talking, you say, “Did someone try to sneak into the castle to kiss the pretty, pretty princesses? Are the guards stopping your forbidden romance with Princess June? Did Juney sob as they pushed you away from her royal chambers, hands clutching at your nasty, ragged sleeves?”

Dave rolls his eyes at you. “I did hear that Admiral Harley is coming back to Prospit, and she’s hella mad about it.”

While he talks, Rose attempts to shake her ass while playing a painfully off-key chord. You both have to stifle your laughter. Behind you, Dirk looks up from the sink and asks, “Admiral Harley? Who’s she?”

You gape at him. “Admiral Jade Harley? Seawolf? Jade Harley? Princess Jane calls her “cure to the disease that is piracy upon Skaian seas”? Probably the sexiest royal official, although it’s a hard contest between her and the princesses. Big dog ears? God, how are you so behind the times? Have you been outside in the last, uh, decade?”

He glares at you, and without breaking eye contact, and grabs your newest glass of gin and pours it down the sink. You screech. “You bitch! Why wo-” 

Dave intercepts before you try to decapitate your now least-favorite-brother (You’d call him your least favorite sibling, but Rose is seductively wriggling on the floor across the tavern, strumming her violin, her bow long forgotten, in front of the few patrons left.) “I’m just wondering, why is she mad about coming back? Is she crazy? Everyone here loves her.” 

You’re having trouble with that too. Prospit, under June and Jane’s rule, is in its golden age. Admiral Harley and her navy have practically eradicated pirates from Skaian shores, much to the city’s delight, and your family’s dismay. Not that you’re pirates or anything, but the four of you love adventure and tumultuous government more than Admiral Harley and her brother put together. All the family has going for it now is a very well-off bar that doesn’t have half the fights you’d hoped for, so you’re all a little bored. All you do is shrug.

“I’d be pretty fuckin’ mad if I’d captured every pirate and had nothing left to do,” Dave says.

“You’d never be able to do that, don’t worry,” you tease.

“Maybe not. Maybe so. You don’t know.”

I would totally be a badass pirate,” Dirk muses, “I would be the most badass pirate, and Rox would swab the deck of my badass ship.”

“Watch your back, el Capitan, I’ll put a knife in your pillow tonight if you don’t shut up.”

“Well,” Dave intercepts your very real threats again. “Harley is a magic werewolf that can teleport ships ‘cross leagues. Neither of you wouldn’t stand a chance against her. No one did. And I guess that’s why she's mad?”

You don’t get a chance to answer, because Rose has fallen asleep on a table with three people still at it, looking shell-shocked. You jump and grab her, apologizing profusely. The trio pays their tab and leaves in a hurry. You hope Rose didn’t reveal any eldritch secrets to scare them away for good, although it rather looked like it on their faces.

Not long after, the three of you close down the bar and shoo the stragglers out into the night. Dirk drags Rose to your shared bedroom. The three of you have to fight her to get her clothes off and her pajamas on. A lesser family would be weird about it, but, of course, you’re not a lesser family. After you get your own pajamas on (with no help from your brothers, luckily), you collapse into bed, the sun already starting to light up the horizon.

\--

You wake up to the sun blazing at its zenith. Rose is gone, her pajamas discarded on the floor. A note was placed in your hand while you slept.

“Rox-  
Admiral Harley’s parade into the city is starting at noon. Dave heard about it while out shopping this morning. We won’t wake you, but try to make it down. They’ve got some epic looking streamers.  
Love, your favorite twin.”

You glare at the sign-off. “Liar,” you say to no one. Then you look out of the window and see the crowds gathering a few streets down. “Shit!” Throwing the covers off, you stumble into your nicest dress, the one that shows your tits off the best. If Admiral Harley is still coming through, you’ll be sure to catch her eye, if she’s into you.

Raking your hands through your hair seems to get the worst of the tangles out, and it looks otherwise alright, so you put some socks on, grab a glass of water and toss it back, and dash out the door. And dash back to the door because you forgot your shoes. Then dash back out.

The crowd is getting wild. By the fact that they’re still gathering, you’re pretty sure you haven’t missed Admiral Harley’s parade. Crazy luck you have! You fight your way through the throngs, but can’t make it far enough to see the street, and you can hear the crowd beginning to cheer. Panicking, you scramble onto a few barrels underneath a storefront and climb onto the shop’s awning. No time to apologize, you’ve gotta see the Seawolf! You can see the beginnings of the procession, the lesser generals, but no Jade yet. Letting out a deep breath, you lean against the shop’s roof and feel the heat of the early autumn sun on your face, and wait.

It takes almost half an hour before Jade comes around the corner on a sleek white horse decked out in tassels and naval regalia (Jade, not the horse). Not that the other, shittier crew-people are boring or anything, but they totally are. The entire town is here to see Admiral Harley, the least they could do is put her in front. When you see her, your heart stops and your cheeks glow. A little weathered, but a bastion of strength and beauty in a crowd of regular old assholes. Her ears are pricked up and her hair is neatly braided to the side, glossy and fresh, like she’s just stepped out of a bath. Her black and blue uniform is unwrinkled, her boots shine, and her tired smile is full of wolfish teeth. You’re not one for love at first sight, but you want nothing more than to lock eyes with her and stare into them, knowingly. Knowing what, you’re not sure.

As she rides closer to your section of the street, you lean a little too far out, and your dream comes true in the worst possible way. The awning snaps shut with the unbalanced weight, and you are launched off the shop, past the crowd, and right into Admiral Harley’s path. Right onto your face. It wasn’t actually a bad fall, you automatically summoned a bit of void to break your descent, so it’s really just the shame and surprise that hurts. Jade stops her horse in its tracks and looks down at you in shock. “Are you, uh,” she stops, considering her next words. “Okay?”

You look up into her dark green eyes. “Yeah,” you say calmly, “yeah, I’m totally fine. Sorry to get in your way!”

She extends a hand gracefully. You reach up and grasp it. It’s so soft, unlike a seaman's hand at all. You wish you could think of anything except “what kind of lotion does she use?” right now, but you can’t. “Thanks,” you say awkwardly.

Jade winks at you. You, almost unconsciously, wink back, and scurry into the crowd.

Your siblings are going to be so jealous.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, like comment and subscribe gamers. I'm @pesterquests on twitter and tumblr.


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